Living in a close relationship with another human being isn’t easy. Sooner or later the ‘honeymoon period’ comes to an end and you have a choice – splitting up, settling for mediocracy for the sake of the children/finances/peace or, alternatively, finding a way of living with each other, deepening the relationship and allowing it to grow. If you’re reading this page because you’re considering couples therapy, you may be relieved to know that this process happens in all relationships.
Many people, faced with problems in a relationship come to one of two conclusions. Either that they’ve chosen the wrong partner or, that they, as a couple, have a problem with X that they need to fix.
I see things differently. I do understand from my own experience that problems in a relationship can be hugely testing. Arguments about daily life, sexual difficulties, infidelity, disagreements about the children and different priorities are all very challenging. And yet, if we can see the difficulties that are arising between us as a sign that something needs to change in this relationship, it can lead to growth, not only in the relationship itself, but in both of the individuals as well.
This isn’t easy. It is hard work because it means looking at what both partners contribute to the situation and what personal growth is going to be required from both in order for the relationship to flourish.
As a couples therapist, I promote understanding both within the individuals and between the partners, helping you to move away from blame and the importance of being right. Things change in a relationship as a result of increased understanding. This brings the partners closer together whilst also supporting their independence.
I am currently taking further training in couple work with my colleague Geoff Lamb.